I cry whenever I hear Les Mis music.
And this is how I feel about the challenge being over. It is that epic.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Complete
Finals are finished. Projects are done. I'm done with finals. Over, ended. And gone.
Thank goodness.
Thank goodness.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Classroom Management, Curriculum, and Challenge
Classroom Management Meeting with Miranda- Complete.
It wasn't that bad. I still have another semester to work on her. If I decide she is worth it... (I would also like to opinionize: yes you teach at BYU, but there are definitely times where you cannot claim inspiration or scriptural references as reasons for an action or lecture. It comes down to ethics-how things should be done, because it is the right thing to do. I've had several of these experiences lately and I'm tired of it. BYU is a school. Run by the church yes, but that doesn't give rights to those people who take advantage of the ability to say "the spirit prompted me to be a jerk"... That's all.)
Curriculum Project- Not even close to complete.
For my Curriculum class, which, incidentally has been a fantastic class, our final project is a huge curriculum Unit of Instruction. I don't know how to explain it other than it's a lot of writing. I had to choose a class that I would like to teach and make a course curriculum for it, and add a whole bunch of other things to it and voila! A Unit of Instruction...
Bad explanation, I know. But I've been working on it all semester, and the past couple weeks, and every time I sit down to work on it, I find more things that need to be included and fixed. Last week I was about 70% done with it. Today I feel I am about 45% done with it... It should be the other way around...
Challenge- one week to completion.
I am at a breaking point with this one. So far, I've had the self-control to be ok with one day of sugar a week. The first week was rough. But the rest were alright.
This week is awful. Every where I look there seems to be only sugar screaming at me to eat it. There may be an entire table of salads and yummy potatoes, but the cookies are demanding their attention. There may be the most amazing glazed ham with swiss-cheese on rolls, but the baklava is tantalizingly swimming in my vision. I stalk food blogs- including the food network- and everything is Christmas cookies.
So- here are my cravings (not only to eat, but just to bake- just to be able to make them without feeling like I've sinned....)
I can't even look at grocery ads. In case you wanted to know- Stephen's Hot Chocolate is on sale at Macy's. Ice cream is on sale at Fresh Market (it's December...). Cinnamon glazed almonds, candy canes, crumb cake, and chocolate/yogurt covered pretzels are on sale at Sunflower Market. And you can buy brownie platters at Smith's.
It's all that my eyes want to see. One more week...
It wasn't that bad. I still have another semester to work on her. If I decide she is worth it... (I would also like to opinionize: yes you teach at BYU, but there are definitely times where you cannot claim inspiration or scriptural references as reasons for an action or lecture. It comes down to ethics-how things should be done, because it is the right thing to do. I've had several of these experiences lately and I'm tired of it. BYU is a school. Run by the church yes, but that doesn't give rights to those people who take advantage of the ability to say "the spirit prompted me to be a jerk"... That's all.)
Curriculum Project- Not even close to complete.
For my Curriculum class, which, incidentally has been a fantastic class, our final project is a huge curriculum Unit of Instruction. I don't know how to explain it other than it's a lot of writing. I had to choose a class that I would like to teach and make a course curriculum for it, and add a whole bunch of other things to it and voila! A Unit of Instruction...
Bad explanation, I know. But I've been working on it all semester, and the past couple weeks, and every time I sit down to work on it, I find more things that need to be included and fixed. Last week I was about 70% done with it. Today I feel I am about 45% done with it... It should be the other way around...
Challenge- one week to completion.
I am at a breaking point with this one. So far, I've had the self-control to be ok with one day of sugar a week. The first week was rough. But the rest were alright.
This week is awful. Every where I look there seems to be only sugar screaming at me to eat it. There may be an entire table of salads and yummy potatoes, but the cookies are demanding their attention. There may be the most amazing glazed ham with swiss-cheese on rolls, but the baklava is tantalizingly swimming in my vision. I stalk food blogs- including the food network- and everything is Christmas cookies.
So- here are my cravings (not only to eat, but just to bake- just to be able to make them without feeling like I've sinned....)
I can't even look at grocery ads. In case you wanted to know- Stephen's Hot Chocolate is on sale at Macy's. Ice cream is on sale at Fresh Market (it's December...). Cinnamon glazed almonds, candy canes, crumb cake, and chocolate/yogurt covered pretzels are on sale at Sunflower Market. And you can buy brownie platters at Smith's.
It's all that my eyes want to see. One more week...
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Courage
I think I have good reason to dread going to this final.
Let's call my teacher- the one who told me what she thought of me- Miranda. (Only because one of my favorite movies is The Devil Wears Prada and I would cry everyday if I worked for Miranda Priestly...) For Miranda's class, instead of a test or a project for the final, we have an interview. I go into her office, and she'll probably tell me more of what she thinks of me.
She called it "reproving with sharpness." Sometimes, she said, students need a wake-up call. I send out negative vibes... I keep remembering more little remarks she said over and over again...
It's difficult to say exactly what hurt the most with Miranda's lecture. A week after, there is still hurt confusion. Was it that I really looked up to this teacher? Was it because of how she said everything? I don't know. All I know is that I don't want to be what she thinks I am.
It makes me think of my first year on PAC. I came into the program as the clogger. That's all I did. So- way excited to be on PAC. I get to learn more, I get to perform more, I get to stretch my dancing abilities, right?
Wrong. Right from the get-go, I was the foot-work dancer. Large group numbers, of course they need bodies to fill in, so I was cast. But anything that involved moving your feet in fast rhythm, I was your girl. I did foot-work. I didn't do anything else. There was no growth, unless it was performance-wise. However, I don't feel that my first year was a complete waste. It was just hard to be typecast. My second year was much better. That is when I felt that I grew the most. It took me all the way to my last year to really feel that I was thought of as a dancer, not just a clogger.
And here I am, on my first year of PAC again...
Only it's with a teacher that thinks I'm awful. And I only have a semester to try to change it. (but is she worth all the effort I have to put in to making her opinion change? I think not, but that is a topic for a whole other post...)
Last note, thank you to those of you who think I'm nice. I think you all are nice too.
Let's call my teacher- the one who told me what she thought of me- Miranda. (Only because one of my favorite movies is The Devil Wears Prada and I would cry everyday if I worked for Miranda Priestly...) For Miranda's class, instead of a test or a project for the final, we have an interview. I go into her office, and she'll probably tell me more of what she thinks of me.
She called it "reproving with sharpness." Sometimes, she said, students need a wake-up call. I send out negative vibes... I keep remembering more little remarks she said over and over again...
It's difficult to say exactly what hurt the most with Miranda's lecture. A week after, there is still hurt confusion. Was it that I really looked up to this teacher? Was it because of how she said everything? I don't know. All I know is that I don't want to be what she thinks I am.
It makes me think of my first year on PAC. I came into the program as the clogger. That's all I did. So- way excited to be on PAC. I get to learn more, I get to perform more, I get to stretch my dancing abilities, right?
Wrong. Right from the get-go, I was the foot-work dancer. Large group numbers, of course they need bodies to fill in, so I was cast. But anything that involved moving your feet in fast rhythm, I was your girl. I did foot-work. I didn't do anything else. There was no growth, unless it was performance-wise. However, I don't feel that my first year was a complete waste. It was just hard to be typecast. My second year was much better. That is when I felt that I grew the most. It took me all the way to my last year to really feel that I was thought of as a dancer, not just a clogger.
And here I am, on my first year of PAC again...
Only it's with a teacher that thinks I'm awful. And I only have a semester to try to change it. (but is she worth all the effort I have to put in to making her opinion change? I think not, but that is a topic for a whole other post...)
Last note, thank you to those of you who think I'm nice. I think you all are nice too.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Disclaimer: This post is written in a very depressing vein. You are warned.
People think I'm mean. I've been told that.
People also think I'm elitist. I've been told that more than once.
Today, I went in to talk to one of my teachers. What followed was a conversation that was mostly one sided. She told me what she thought of me:
I am elitist.
I have no respect for authority.
I am irresponsible.
I expect special privileges.
I think I'm better than the rest of the class.
I am not a team player.
I think the art education program is a waste of time.
She is scared to let me become a teacher because I will be unapproachable. I will scare students because I am mean. I will scare students away from art, so they will never want to do it again. And I will bad mouth the art ed program once I am away. She isn't the only one who thinks this. She has talked to multiple teachers in the program, and they think the same thing.
She said every one of these things to me. Every single one was like a punch in the gut.
Needless to say, today wasn't the best of days.
People think I'm mean. I've been told that.
People also think I'm elitist. I've been told that more than once.
Today, I went in to talk to one of my teachers. What followed was a conversation that was mostly one sided. She told me what she thought of me:
I am elitist.
I have no respect for authority.
I am irresponsible.
I expect special privileges.
I think I'm better than the rest of the class.
I am not a team player.
I think the art education program is a waste of time.
She is scared to let me become a teacher because I will be unapproachable. I will scare students because I am mean. I will scare students away from art, so they will never want to do it again. And I will bad mouth the art ed program once I am away. She isn't the only one who thinks this. She has talked to multiple teachers in the program, and they think the same thing.
She said every one of these things to me. Every single one was like a punch in the gut.
Needless to say, today wasn't the best of days.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
a brief complaint
Colin said it so eloquently already, however, it's time for my complaining about life right now. I'll make it brief.
The hardest part about this week for me isn't that-
- I'm not missing sleep
- I'm not with friends complaining about rehearsals til 1am
- I'm not performing Hopak
- I'm not falling behind in school (well, that's actually not really true...)
- I'm not in Christmas Around the World
The hardest part of this week isn't even necessarily that we didn't choose to have this happen. It's difficult to describe the hurt that comes when you feel something is 100% right, and then it is taken away from you. However, that isn't the hard part.
The hard part is that I miss this:
I miss dancing with Colin. (like performing dancing. he pulls me into the kitchen every once in a while and we dance to whatever song is on pandora at the moment. that is happy.) I miss running around historical museums in costume. I miss having everyone point to you and want to take pictures with you because you are white and American. I miss putting on nasty make-up, putting in nasty hair, and frantically looking through your pile of costumes for that apron you're missing. I miss carrying around my 12 pairs of shoes necessary for rehearsal.
Oh my, I miss rehearsal! Now that is saying something. I miss the feeling of working hard on something that you can't quite get right. I miss the beads and the silks and the headpieces. I miss the lights, the stage and the nervous anxiety before a show. I miss wearing tights. I miss stretching after a long show while listening to Ron. I miss the bruises and the sweat, I miss the muscle rubs, I miss the sore tightness in every muscle in my body.
I thought this semester would get easier. It hasn't. But missing all those things isn't the hardest part. I miss dancing with Colin.
But I miss this more:
Good luck Emily- you are beautiful. Dance hard.
For me.
The hardest part about this week for me isn't that-
- I'm not missing sleep
- I'm not with friends complaining about rehearsals til 1am
- I'm not performing Hopak
- I'm not falling behind in school (well, that's actually not really true...)
- I'm not in Christmas Around the World
The hardest part of this week isn't even necessarily that we didn't choose to have this happen. It's difficult to describe the hurt that comes when you feel something is 100% right, and then it is taken away from you. However, that isn't the hard part.
The hard part is that I miss this:
I miss dancing with Colin. (like performing dancing. he pulls me into the kitchen every once in a while and we dance to whatever song is on pandora at the moment. that is happy.) I miss running around historical museums in costume. I miss having everyone point to you and want to take pictures with you because you are white and American. I miss putting on nasty make-up, putting in nasty hair, and frantically looking through your pile of costumes for that apron you're missing. I miss carrying around my 12 pairs of shoes necessary for rehearsal.
Oh my, I miss rehearsal! Now that is saying something. I miss the feeling of working hard on something that you can't quite get right. I miss the beads and the silks and the headpieces. I miss the lights, the stage and the nervous anxiety before a show. I miss wearing tights. I miss stretching after a long show while listening to Ron. I miss the bruises and the sweat, I miss the muscle rubs, I miss the sore tightness in every muscle in my body.
I thought this semester would get easier. It hasn't. But missing all those things isn't the hardest part. I miss dancing with Colin.
But I miss this more:
Good luck Emily- you are beautiful. Dance hard.
For me.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Craving
Along with all chocolate and cookies and baked goods, I'm craving this...
While a small craving for baked goods is coming, I still can't bring myself to eat normal sized portions of food. That will come when I'm not sore from my insides being shredded.
While a small craving for baked goods is coming, I still can't bring myself to eat normal sized portions of food. That will come when I'm not sore from my insides being shredded.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
The Charade
On the night before Halloween, Colin and I hosted a murder mystery dinner. Themed for WWII, we all got to dress up as nurses, doctors, USO performers, pilots and generals. So so fun. We took pictures:
Justin and Sarah- Justin was a USO performer, she was a nurse who loved to flirt.
Emily and Josh- Josh was a pilot under the general that was missing/murdered. Emily was the general's wife. Interesting...
Brian and Lindsey: Brian was the head doctor, Lindsey the head nurse. It fit.
Colin was the next in command if the general died. I was the ditzy Hollywood Starlet...
Who also turned out to be a German spy and attempted to murder the general. It was me.
I was the murderer.
All in all, it was great. Good fun, good food, and great friends. :)
Justin and Sarah- Justin was a USO performer, she was a nurse who loved to flirt. 
Emily and Josh- Josh was a pilot under the general that was missing/murdered. Emily was the general's wife. Interesting...
Brian and Lindsey: Brian was the head doctor, Lindsey the head nurse. It fit.
Colin was the next in command if the general died. I was the ditzy Hollywood Starlet... Who also turned out to be a German spy and attempted to murder the general. It was me.
I was the murderer.
All in all, it was great. Good fun, good food, and great friends. :)
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Acceptable
This morning I took a test. It is called the Praxis exam. It is an exam for future educators, and it is very important I pass...
Each discipline has one, I took the Art Content Knowledge test. Split into 3 parts of Art History, Aesthetics, and Studio (which is the making of art...), I felt I did acceptable. I think I passed. I didn't excel, but I think I knew enough to pass.
It was two hours long. 120 questions. I finished my test in 50 minutes. Then, because I had to stay the full two hours, I redid the test. Then I spent twenty minutes cleaning up every bubble on the answer sheet. Then I took a nap.
I find out in 4 weeks how I did. I hope that I pass. That means I'm acceptable as a teacher...
Each discipline has one, I took the Art Content Knowledge test. Split into 3 parts of Art History, Aesthetics, and Studio (which is the making of art...), I felt I did acceptable. I think I passed. I didn't excel, but I think I knew enough to pass.
It was two hours long. 120 questions. I finished my test in 50 minutes. Then, because I had to stay the full two hours, I redid the test. Then I spent twenty minutes cleaning up every bubble on the answer sheet. Then I took a nap.
I find out in 4 weeks how I did. I hope that I pass. That means I'm acceptable as a teacher...
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Alice
I love the story of Alice in Wonderland. Obviously since I dressed up for Halloween...
But I found this photographer-whom I love. And he loves Alice too.
That's all.
But I found this photographer-whom I love. And he loves Alice too.
That's all.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Adventure #2 cont... Again.
I know, enough about this building... But I love it!! And Colin just learned about it in his History of Creativity class. Hence has this quote cometh:
"When one enters Hagia Sofia to pray, he feels it is not the work of human power... The soul, lifting itself to the sky, realizes that here God is close by, and he takes delight in this, his chosen home."
The beauty is awe inspiring. Without the bustling crowds, I can see it as a very spiritually uplifting place. Even with the people, it was for me...
That's all.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Cupcakes and Cookies...
Colin and I are participating in a friendly competition with family. You have to do ten things a day:
1: Drink 48 ounces of water
2: 30 minutes of exercise
3: No soda
4: No sweets (including sugar.... chocolate...)
5: No fast food or unhealthy snacks
6: 2 servings of fruits and 2 servings of vegetables
7: No eating after 9pm
8: Read 15 minutes of spiritual or uplifting text
9: Write in your journal
10: Personal Goal
Ten points a day. Seventy points a week. 560 total in 8 weeks to end on Christmas Day.
It seemed like it would be cake.
Today in two of my four classes, someone brought in treats to share. The first was made-from-scratch spice cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. I was so sad. The second was sugar cookies in the shape of pumpkins with orange frosting. Yum.
And to top it all off, all the Halloween candy went on sale today.
1: Drink 48 ounces of water
2: 30 minutes of exercise
3: No soda
4: No sweets (including sugar.... chocolate...)
5: No fast food or unhealthy snacks
6: 2 servings of fruits and 2 servings of vegetables
7: No eating after 9pm
8: Read 15 minutes of spiritual or uplifting text
9: Write in your journal
10: Personal Goal
Ten points a day. Seventy points a week. 560 total in 8 weeks to end on Christmas Day.
It seemed like it would be cake.
Today in two of my four classes, someone brought in treats to share. The first was made-from-scratch spice cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. I was so sad. The second was sugar cookies in the shape of pumpkins with orange frosting. Yum.
And to top it all off, all the Halloween candy went on sale today.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Continuing
Today, Colin and I have officially been married 18 months! Yay!
I love him more every day. He was the best decision I have ever made in my life.
I love him more every day. He was the best decision I have ever made in my life.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Competent
I discovered a talent this past couple weeks. I am a competent welder. Who knew?
This is a bad weld- not mine:
These are good welds, also not mine, but they looked like this:
While I don't really want to post my actual welds, just know I am telling the truth. Colin can attest. (I may have good welds, but my sculpture skills are lacking in the extreme...) Anyway, the sculpture class is over. Thank goodness. I never knew how difficult it was for me to think in 3 dimensions til now...
That's all.
This is a bad weld- not mine:
These are good welds, also not mine, but they looked like this:
While I don't really want to post my actual welds, just know I am telling the truth. Colin can attest. (I may have good welds, but my sculpture skills are lacking in the extreme...) Anyway, the sculpture class is over. Thank goodness. I never knew how difficult it was for me to think in 3 dimensions til now...
That's all.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Almost Better
Colin is braver than I am. (Exhibit A)
I see it every day. While this situation we are in has completely stunned me--left me doubting most everything I am capable of--he is strong. He can see a bigger picture. While my mind can see and even understand what he sees, my heart is not as understanding.
While the church is still true and I love Colin with all my being, there is still an ache for what should be--an ache for what we should have been doing with our lives at this very moment. We knew it was a good and right thing to do. Now, I'm afraid this ache will never go away.
We are happy. Especially when we are together. But we are just almost better. Or maybe it's just me. I'm almost better.
But it'll be a while yet.
I see it every day. While this situation we are in has completely stunned me--left me doubting most everything I am capable of--he is strong. He can see a bigger picture. While my mind can see and even understand what he sees, my heart is not as understanding.
While the church is still true and I love Colin with all my being, there is still an ache for what should be--an ache for what we should have been doing with our lives at this very moment. We knew it was a good and right thing to do. Now, I'm afraid this ache will never go away.
We are happy. Especially when we are together. But we are just almost better. Or maybe it's just me. I'm almost better.
But it'll be a while yet.
Friday, October 1, 2010
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